michitamarna

hmm...i am now out of school for a month, it's awesome. im sitting at my dining room table, listening to Josh Groban sing Christmas songs from his new CD, Noel (soooo good!), and watching the snow fall softly outside. its so beautiful.
there's a scene from my book that i just thought of when the main character is stepping out of the carriage and it's softly snowing. she looks up into the falling crystals and they fall around her face, on her eye lashes and cheeks. it's a moment i had last year. i was getting out of my car and stopped myself as i looked up. it almost felt like flying through space with the stars passing by me. the air was so silent and if you listened well enough, you could hear the soft sound as the snow accumulated on the ground. i took deep breaths and my mouth let out steam that melted a few snowflakes falling toward me. in that moment, i could feel the peace of God fill me, and i felt so extremely content. amongst all that was going on at the time, here i was in a quite place and nothing else seemed to matter, i was basking in God's love and glory, and there was no other place i would have rather been.
i am trying to re-establish a relationship that i allowed to slip. i had been doing so well, i was really feeling the fire in my heart for Him grow. and then...i fell, i sinned, and i felt so horrible. i lost what i had so easily, it was gone and had slipped through my fingers like smoke.
that was monday. over the next couple of days, God reminded me that He was still there, and that I needed to get back on my feet and run toward Him.
tuesday i went to a new youth group and struggled to feel like i fit in. i am not the most social, and i didnt really know anyone there...i prayed to not get discouraged and to be grown from that experience. wed. morning i had my girl's accountablility group, it is so refreshing meeting with them, and i think that when i go off to another college, i will miss that the most. that afternoon, i posted a well, post, in a christian community online and was totally attacked and criticized, i felt so burned. i had shared a moment of following what God had put on my heart. i prayed to continue to draw my strength in God and to cling to Him more, because He continues to love me, and His arms are always open. well, 100 comments from other people later, here i am. its thursday and im recovered, and planning to not post again there any time soon.
i worked this morning at an elementary school and then at my other office job and came home around 1:20.
and now, now im going to get a cup of tea and enjoy the beauty around me.
while i may change, or my emotions may sway, i know that God never changes, He is something so constant in my life.
while the earth around me changes, with the seasons, with wars, with devistations, with new dangers and fears, God is still constant and strong.
and into His arms, i run.